Yeah. My husband. That’s who. And then, when I need to replenish the stock, such as it is, you wouldn’t believe the bullshit I have to hear. He’s become a vegetarian, and in his pea brain that equates to eating everything under the sun that does not contain meat and/or high fructose corn syrup. Dudes, that leaves a LOT OF SHIT.
When we got together, there was a huge red flag in the shape of a huge package of cheese slices that were eaten in one night. Entirely by him. Did he apologize? No. He had said that I had those cheese slices for at least two days, and that they would have rotted had he not so gallantly stepped in and wolfed them all down overnight. This pissed me off in a way that it probably wouldn’t piss off many other people. My background included living on my own in basements and garages in my teen years whilst working three jobs and finishing high school. Food was precious and was portioned out so that I wouldn’t go into blind panic over having no food. I recall moving to an apartment in the city with a new roommate and having no food. His parents had come in from Long Island and brought him 7 or 8 grocery bags full of food. They invited me to take whatever I wanted. When I had nothing, I borrowed one half cup (literally – one half cup – I had measured it!) of Quaker Oats from the big canister thingy. It had already been opened, and I put a sticky note on it that I had taken some and would replace it when I got paid. I thanked him and apologized. His response? He locked all of the cabinets like in the movie Fatso and demanded I pay him in full, right then, for the package of oatmeal. Yes, of course he was a dick, but that kind of shit leaves a burning impression on a 17 year old kid.
So needless to say, food is a tricky issue for me. I find myself hiding stuff but he finds it and eats it. It really really bothers me when it’s about my daughter’s snacks. He’ll just eat them ALL. I can’t tell you how many mornings I wake up and what I had planned to send her to school with is gone. I’m sure if I look into this long and hard enough I can find a way to blame him for my being overweight, so I’ll just quit here and take that responsibility myself!