Pleasant Torture?

Write about your strongest memory of heart-pounding belly-twisting nervousness: what caused the adrenaline? Was it justified? How did you respond?

That’s my question, up there.  It’s the daily inspiration.  Of course I wrote it days ago, and forgot to post it.  Blah!

hb studio

My strongest memory of heart-pounding belly-twisting nervousness was when I enrolled in acting school and actually had to perform.  In front of humans.  Most of which I didn’t know at all.  The rest I had met one day a week prior.

I’m shy and I’m scared to death but I went up there and I did my best.  And then it turned into an adrenaline rush, and I didn’t want it to end.  EVER!!!  But every week I’d feel that same terror, the same sickness.  But I’d go up and do the scene and each time, I didn’t want it to end.  It was like pleasant torture.  It brought out the best in me, and it showed me I had strength to do what I never thought I could.  Best therapy ever.  

bway

I got to do so many cool things while in Basic Technique I and II.  Then I went on to Scene Study, and was dragged by much younger, cooler and hipper people to Improv.  And that’s where I met my husband.  Pretty awesome, right?  No wonder our Kiddo is so….dramatic!

Finally? Arrests In The Madeleine McCann Case Coming

My heart goes out to this family.  I hope whatever will happen brings some measure of peace to her family, however small a comfort that may be.

What do YOU think happened to this little girl?

British police ‘preparing to make arrests’ in Madeleine McCann case | UK news | theguardian.com.

Awww. He’s Sick. I Wanna Kill Him!

Joy joy

I’m flabbergasted. (And I can’t seem to get rid of that image of the happy birthday cake.  Pretend it says Happy Fucking New Year, okay?)

Hah hah! I’ve always wanted to use that word.

Now, I get sick on an average of 4 to 5 or even 6 times per year. I rang in the new year with a sinus/ear special infection, and have been recovering with the cursed antibiotics since.

 menwoman-06

My husband, who proudly proclaims that he’s NEVER sick, is just that. Sick. He’s got bronchitis, and as soon as he got the Official Seal of Bronchitis, he’s taken to having a mantra of “I feel so sick” and then “oh my God”, and occasionally, “am I gonna die?” The final question has had a change in answer since yesterday. I now tell him “yes, yes you will. It’s up to you if it’s sooner or later”.

4045992-sick-man-in-green-trousers

Whining. Requesting all kinds of things. Being a total pain in the ass. Begging to have his temperature taken every 20 minutes.

sick-man-dollar-signs

But I’m a Buddhist, and I’m working on my compassion. I’m trying, honestly. I have to wonder what the neighbors think as I walk from the sickbed (bedroom) to the kitchen saying something along the lines of “Okay honey. I’ll get you more water. And then I’ll dump it over your fucking head if you don’t stop telling me how shitty you feel and how to handle our daughter from your bed!!!!!”

angrywife

Do you know that yesterday was so bad that when my sister picked up Kiddo and I to go to Walmart, I was excited!!! I HATE Walmart with a passion!!!!

walmart

Ah, and on the final bit. I am now sick. Ugh. I feel so sick. Oh my GOD! Am I gonna die??

🙂

Happy New Year!!!!

Image

Hey everybody.  Hope you’re all well, and happy and as stress free as possible.  

We had a cute little blizzard this morning/last night, and everything looks so clean and pure and new!  Of course, that’s because I haven’t had to go outside to shovel or do any of the “real” stuff – just look out the window, and toss two winter coated shih tzus out the back door!  

I would love to hear your plans for the new year.  Your wishes, dreams, dreads, whatever.  Will ya tell me?? 

And if you’re interested in a reading, get in touch today!   My email is magzmama@gmail.com, or call me at (516) 495-9775. 

 

Random Facts And Horrible Acts

number 9

 

I got the number today.  As you’ll see above, it’s number Nine!

It’s a number you get when you like someone’s random facts status on Facebook.  It’s actually my second.  The first one I pretended not to see.

So I thought, okay, whatever.  I’ll write my random facts as a blog post and share it on Facebook and be done with it. Lucky you guys.  🙂

1.  I’m shy.  Most people do not believe that, but it is true.  I force myself to be outgoing and I can be pretty good at it.

2.  I have a terrible fear of crowds.  Malls at holiday time are an absolute nightmare for me. This actually has a name – Enochlophobia.  

macy crowd

3.  I was very afraid that I was schizophrenic when I was younger.  I heard voices, had thoughts that were not my own.  I expected my mother to totally freak out when I told her, but it was the opposite reaction.  She asked me if what I heard turned out to be true or to happen, and yes was the answer.  She told me her grandmother had the same gift and that people would line up for readings from her.  She asked my dad to take me to the store for Tarot cards, and I’ve been reading ever since.

4.  I have terrible memory issues, and it scares me.

5.  There’s not much that a pizza burger can’t make better for me!

pizzaburger

6.  I am alive now because of the kindness of strangers and of friends.  I have had people bring me to the doctor when I needed to go and couldn’t.  People have brought food to me when I had nothing.  They’ve given me shelter and love when I had none of either.

7.  I always wished I was someone else while I was growing up.

8.  I really never thought I’d have a child, and if I did, I’d have a horrendous time getting pregnant.  I have the most amazing kiddo now, and I was incredibly lucky to have no infertility issues, even at the age of 40 when I had her.   My heart goes out to anyone who has experienced infertility.  I count my blessings every day.

9.  When I was a teenager, I was extremely depressed.  The only relief I got from that was working at a local radio station, meeting celebrities who seemed to actually like me, and going to shows.  After meeting Iggy Pop (yes, it was a HUGE HIGH POINT in my life) I was invited to go backstage after his show in NYC in the 80s.  There were so many famous faces in that party room – among them were Joey Ramone, Matt Dillon, and one of the members of The Police.  I was happy, excited and overwhelmed. But I stayed in the corner, quiet.  I went to get a soda and that’s when the humanoid from The Police loudly informed me that I was ugly, that I didn’t belong there, and who the fuck did I think I was.  In that moment, everything went pitch black. There were silent tears, and as I tried to leave, I was stopped, I was told “oh no.  You’re not going to take that” and then watched as the crowd turned on that cruel and awful man.  He left, I stayed.  I would have ended my life that night – I’m 100% sure.  It was such an amazingly brutal verbal attack that I’ve never forgotten it.  But because a couple of famous and talented and everyday regular people decided to get involved and to protect me, I was able to hold my head up again and “carry on”.  December 9, 1982 was the day this went down.  I know that if I had left that night, my 16-year-old self would have drowned in humiliation, loneliness and the awful verification of all the things I had thought of myself.  I would not have made it.  I am still grateful all these years later.

zombie birdhouse

And that’s all I got for you.  Your turn?  I’ll give you the number 5.  🙂

Peace, Restored

peace street

Here is a follow up for those of you who are interested. I told you before how it pisses me off to be pissed off. And I was seriously pissed at my husband. Now, there is no doubt I will be again, but for right now, I am okay with him. I told him that I wanted an apology (a real one) and some flowers.

Instead, he bought me a new tablet, and then apologized to me in front of our daughter. It felt sincere and actually made me feel better.

So, all is forgiven….until next time!

Oozing Ghosts

Italo Calvino said: The more enlightened our houses are, the more their walls ooze ghosts. Describe the ghosts that live in this house: Image credit: “love

So this morning, I hit “inspire me” and this is what I found.  It’s a tiny house that looks like it was once a one room schoolhouse.  The ghosts that live inside are voracious readers, repeating old lessons from a century before and then discussing what they know to have occured between then and now.  There are no children here, just a rural Algonquin Round Table.  They don’t live here, it’s too cold even for them.  It’s a meeting place for when the peace is deafening.  

Don’t live here anymore…” – © 2009 Robb North – made available under Attribution 2.0 Generic

It Pisses Me Off To Be Pissed Off

Big fight with the spouse. I hate that word. Sounds like piss or something. Like a sproutie piss. Sorry. Cracking myself up here.

I don’t enjoy being angry. I try so hard not to go there, but sometimes people WANT to piss you off. That’s purely incomprehensible to me. I like it when people are sort of chill and happy. I try to nudge and prod people away from sadness or anger when it’s useless. I doubt I’m successful most of the time, but I have a plain way of speaking that is hard to misunderstand. My daughter said to me the other day “Mama, its like you love everybody. Except Puffy. You might even hate him.” And I realized that she’s right. Even about Puffy! When someone gets me so angry that I can’t ignore it, it starts to fester in an unhealthy way until I can get some peace with that person. I’ve always been bad at it, not knowing how or if I should act/speak on the anger. Then I find myself in awkward situations where I want to talk and laugh and listen to someone who I’m angry with, but I just get quiet. When and if they sense a change in me, I explain why I’m feeling pissy and usually it all gets to a semi happy ending.

I’m owed an apology, and I hope it comes soon. In the meantime, be good to each other. And tell me how it is for you to be pissed off!

Ganesh Finds His Way Back Home. Took 24 Years, But His Tattoo Helped!

Tattoo helps Ganesh Raghunath Dhangade find his mum in India after 24 years | Herald Sun.

What an amazing story. His parents boarded a train without him, and they never found each other again. Until now. It really makes me wonder how this could happen…but I’m glad he found his family!