It’s A Sorta Goodbye…

Hey guys!  I’m going to be winding down on Mama Tattoo to focus more on Mama Tarot for a bit.

I'll be back...

I’ll be back…

Many of you know I’ve been a card reader for well over 35 years, and now that I’ve finally found the freedom that I needed, I’m going to be a full time psychic medium here on Long Island.

I still love tattoos, and tattoo artists, but I need to focus a bit on my own craft!  Please come join me at MamaTarot – I’ll still be complaining and whining an commenting on things, so you can do that with me there now.

Please come with.  The more the merrier!

Pleasant Torture?

Write about your strongest memory of heart-pounding belly-twisting nervousness: what caused the adrenaline? Was it justified? How did you respond?

That’s my question, up there.  It’s the daily inspiration.  Of course I wrote it days ago, and forgot to post it.  Blah!

hb studio

My strongest memory of heart-pounding belly-twisting nervousness was when I enrolled in acting school and actually had to perform.  In front of humans.  Most of which I didn’t know at all.  The rest I had met one day a week prior.

I’m shy and I’m scared to death but I went up there and I did my best.  And then it turned into an adrenaline rush, and I didn’t want it to end.  EVER!!!  But every week I’d feel that same terror, the same sickness.  But I’d go up and do the scene and each time, I didn’t want it to end.  It was like pleasant torture.  It brought out the best in me, and it showed me I had strength to do what I never thought I could.  Best therapy ever.  

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I got to do so many cool things while in Basic Technique I and II.  Then I went on to Scene Study, and was dragged by much younger, cooler and hipper people to Improv.  And that’s where I met my husband.  Pretty awesome, right?  No wonder our Kiddo is so….dramatic!

This Is The Only December Day In 2013 That We’ll Ever See Again….

And that’s okay with me. 

This has been an interesting and challenging year.  No employment, but I think I’ve discovered my path.  I actually discovered it a long time ago, but I don’t rake leaves or shovel snow, so I lost it over and over again. 

Well, not this year.  I have it sprawled out in front of me like yarn leading to another room, and out the door and out into the world.

At least I don’t have a cat…anymore.  

I am a psychic medium and that’s where it is for me. Yay!!

What are your plans for the new year?  I hope that you are all happy, healthy and free to do what you need to do this year.  

Much Love! 

 

Random Facts And Horrible Acts

number 9

 

I got the number today.  As you’ll see above, it’s number Nine!

It’s a number you get when you like someone’s random facts status on Facebook.  It’s actually my second.  The first one I pretended not to see.

So I thought, okay, whatever.  I’ll write my random facts as a blog post and share it on Facebook and be done with it. Lucky you guys.  🙂

1.  I’m shy.  Most people do not believe that, but it is true.  I force myself to be outgoing and I can be pretty good at it.

2.  I have a terrible fear of crowds.  Malls at holiday time are an absolute nightmare for me. This actually has a name – Enochlophobia.  

macy crowd

3.  I was very afraid that I was schizophrenic when I was younger.  I heard voices, had thoughts that were not my own.  I expected my mother to totally freak out when I told her, but it was the opposite reaction.  She asked me if what I heard turned out to be true or to happen, and yes was the answer.  She told me her grandmother had the same gift and that people would line up for readings from her.  She asked my dad to take me to the store for Tarot cards, and I’ve been reading ever since.

4.  I have terrible memory issues, and it scares me.

5.  There’s not much that a pizza burger can’t make better for me!

pizzaburger

6.  I am alive now because of the kindness of strangers and of friends.  I have had people bring me to the doctor when I needed to go and couldn’t.  People have brought food to me when I had nothing.  They’ve given me shelter and love when I had none of either.

7.  I always wished I was someone else while I was growing up.

8.  I really never thought I’d have a child, and if I did, I’d have a horrendous time getting pregnant.  I have the most amazing kiddo now, and I was incredibly lucky to have no infertility issues, even at the age of 40 when I had her.   My heart goes out to anyone who has experienced infertility.  I count my blessings every day.

9.  When I was a teenager, I was extremely depressed.  The only relief I got from that was working at a local radio station, meeting celebrities who seemed to actually like me, and going to shows.  After meeting Iggy Pop (yes, it was a HUGE HIGH POINT in my life) I was invited to go backstage after his show in NYC in the 80s.  There were so many famous faces in that party room – among them were Joey Ramone, Matt Dillon, and one of the members of The Police.  I was happy, excited and overwhelmed. But I stayed in the corner, quiet.  I went to get a soda and that’s when the humanoid from The Police loudly informed me that I was ugly, that I didn’t belong there, and who the fuck did I think I was.  In that moment, everything went pitch black. There were silent tears, and as I tried to leave, I was stopped, I was told “oh no.  You’re not going to take that” and then watched as the crowd turned on that cruel and awful man.  He left, I stayed.  I would have ended my life that night – I’m 100% sure.  It was such an amazingly brutal verbal attack that I’ve never forgotten it.  But because a couple of famous and talented and everyday regular people decided to get involved and to protect me, I was able to hold my head up again and “carry on”.  December 9, 1982 was the day this went down.  I know that if I had left that night, my 16-year-old self would have drowned in humiliation, loneliness and the awful verification of all the things I had thought of myself.  I would not have made it.  I am still grateful all these years later.

zombie birdhouse

And that’s all I got for you.  Your turn?  I’ll give you the number 5.  🙂

It Pisses Me Off To Be Pissed Off

Big fight with the spouse. I hate that word. Sounds like piss or something. Like a sproutie piss. Sorry. Cracking myself up here.

I don’t enjoy being angry. I try so hard not to go there, but sometimes people WANT to piss you off. That’s purely incomprehensible to me. I like it when people are sort of chill and happy. I try to nudge and prod people away from sadness or anger when it’s useless. I doubt I’m successful most of the time, but I have a plain way of speaking that is hard to misunderstand. My daughter said to me the other day “Mama, its like you love everybody. Except Puffy. You might even hate him.” And I realized that she’s right. Even about Puffy! When someone gets me so angry that I can’t ignore it, it starts to fester in an unhealthy way until I can get some peace with that person. I’ve always been bad at it, not knowing how or if I should act/speak on the anger. Then I find myself in awkward situations where I want to talk and laugh and listen to someone who I’m angry with, but I just get quiet. When and if they sense a change in me, I explain why I’m feeling pissy and usually it all gets to a semi happy ending.

I’m owed an apology, and I hope it comes soon. In the meantime, be good to each other. And tell me how it is for you to be pissed off!

Are You A Good Drunk or a Bad Drunk?

http://m.mentalfloss.com/article.php?id=49963

This explains, well, everything about weepy drunks, happy drunks,  stupid asses who get drunk and become yet more obnoxious. 

I think I’m kind of an awesome drinker.  To start with, give me two drinks and I am flying.  I’m usually just less shy, slightly more physical and happy. 

What kinda drunk are you? Yeah yeah I know you’re not a drunk. What kind of drinker are you?

Graduate Of My Old School Writes A Book That Sounds Kinda Cool!

Melissa Kuch graduated just a few (decades) years after I did, and I have never met her.  But her book sounds cool.  Also, she sites Carolyn Keen as an influence, and I do hope she understands that Carolyn Keen never existed.  🙂

Hicksville Graduate Publishes First Book.

Panic Attacks And Why They Suck

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Today or tomorrow I will liquidate the tiny remainder of my retirement fund. This leaves me feeling incredibly stressed out. The money will pay off a few bills, but we’ll still need more. Then it will be all gone. Everything I had saved for the past 25 years or longer.

I have no health insurance, no income, and now nothing at all to fall back on. And it feels like I’m going crazy. I know I should live in the moment, but I’m about a year ahead, looking at my husband walking out on me and having no way to take care of myself, my daughter and my dogs. Im sure he would continue to take care of Kiddo, but i know that wont be a pretty scenario. And then I look ahead 10 years and where am I? Dead? In some state institution out of a Dickens novel? I don’t know what to do.

Sorry for the bummer post today. I’m feeling sorry for myself and very very afraid. And I guess I feel compelled to share it all with you, you lucky ducks! Listen, I hope you all have a much better weekend than the one that’s on tap here!

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