I love words. Yet I resort to using the same stupid ones over and over (see?) again!
I love little cheats like this – don’t you??
Words Alone
This Is The Only December Day In 2013 That We’ll Ever See Again….
And that’s okay with me.
This has been an interesting and challenging year. No employment, but I think I’ve discovered my path. I actually discovered it a long time ago, but I don’t rake leaves or shovel snow, so I lost it over and over again.
Well, not this year. I have it sprawled out in front of me like yarn leading to another room, and out the door and out into the world.
At least I don’t have a cat…anymore.
I am a psychic medium and that’s where it is for me. Yay!!
What are your plans for the new year? I hope that you are all happy, healthy and free to do what you need to do this year.
Much Love!
Random Facts And Horrible Acts
I got the number today. As you’ll see above, it’s number Nine!
It’s a number you get when you like someone’s random facts status on Facebook. It’s actually my second. The first one I pretended not to see.
So I thought, okay, whatever. I’ll write my random facts as a blog post and share it on Facebook and be done with it. Lucky you guys. 🙂
1. I’m shy. Most people do not believe that, but it is true. I force myself to be outgoing and I can be pretty good at it.
2. I have a terrible fear of crowds. Malls at holiday time are an absolute nightmare for me. This actually has a name – Enochlophobia.
3. I was very afraid that I was schizophrenic when I was younger. I heard voices, had thoughts that were not my own. I expected my mother to totally freak out when I told her, but it was the opposite reaction. She asked me if what I heard turned out to be true or to happen, and yes was the answer. She told me her grandmother had the same gift and that people would line up for readings from her. She asked my dad to take me to the store for Tarot cards, and I’ve been reading ever since.
4. I have terrible memory issues, and it scares me.
5. There’s not much that a pizza burger can’t make better for me!
6. I am alive now because of the kindness of strangers and of friends. I have had people bring me to the doctor when I needed to go and couldn’t. People have brought food to me when I had nothing. They’ve given me shelter and love when I had none of either.
7. I always wished I was someone else while I was growing up.
8. I really never thought I’d have a child, and if I did, I’d have a horrendous time getting pregnant. I have the most amazing kiddo now, and I was incredibly lucky to have no infertility issues, even at the age of 40 when I had her. My heart goes out to anyone who has experienced infertility. I count my blessings every day.
9. When I was a teenager, I was extremely depressed. The only relief I got from that was working at a local radio station, meeting celebrities who seemed to actually like me, and going to shows. After meeting Iggy Pop (yes, it was a HUGE HIGH POINT in my life) I was invited to go backstage after his show in NYC in the 80s. There were so many famous faces in that party room – among them were Joey Ramone, Matt Dillon, and one of the members of The Police. I was happy, excited and overwhelmed. But I stayed in the corner, quiet. I went to get a soda and that’s when the humanoid from The Police loudly informed me that I was ugly, that I didn’t belong there, and who the fuck did I think I was. In that moment, everything went pitch black. There were silent tears, and as I tried to leave, I was stopped, I was told “oh no. You’re not going to take that” and then watched as the crowd turned on that cruel and awful man. He left, I stayed. I would have ended my life that night – I’m 100% sure. It was such an amazingly brutal verbal attack that I’ve never forgotten it. But because a couple of famous and talented and everyday regular people decided to get involved and to protect me, I was able to hold my head up again and “carry on”. December 9, 1982 was the day this went down. I know that if I had left that night, my 16-year-old self would have drowned in humiliation, loneliness and the awful verification of all the things I had thought of myself. I would not have made it. I am still grateful all these years later.
And that’s all I got for you. Your turn? I’ll give you the number 5. 🙂
Panic Attacks And Why They Suck
Today or tomorrow I will liquidate the tiny remainder of my retirement fund. This leaves me feeling incredibly stressed out. The money will pay off a few bills, but we’ll still need more. Then it will be all gone. Everything I had saved for the past 25 years or longer.
I have no health insurance, no income, and now nothing at all to fall back on. And it feels like I’m going crazy. I know I should live in the moment, but I’m about a year ahead, looking at my husband walking out on me and having no way to take care of myself, my daughter and my dogs. Im sure he would continue to take care of Kiddo, but i know that wont be a pretty scenario. And then I look ahead 10 years and where am I? Dead? In some state institution out of a Dickens novel? I don’t know what to do.
Sorry for the bummer post today. I’m feeling sorry for myself and very very afraid. And I guess I feel compelled to share it all with you, you lucky ducks! Listen, I hope you all have a much better weekend than the one that’s on tap here!
Children
Photo from Flickr Some rights reserved by Hamed Saber
I won’t print, type or say the name of the monster who took the lives of 26 people in Connecticut. I won’t give it any more fame or notoriety. I’m so afraid to let myself feel the depths of my compassion for the parents and family members of those who are gone because I’m afraid I won’t come back whole from that dark place. To say that my heart goes out to them just does not do it justice.
I haven’t told Kiddo what has happened. I’m afraid it will rob her of a piece of her childhood, and I just don’t want that to happen. Am I wrong? She’s 6, and she’s afraid of Golum from The Hobbit. She’s afraid of feathers. Neither of those will ever hurt her, and I wish life could stay that way.
How are you handling this? Are you talking to your children? How old are they? Are any of you as overwhelmed by this as I am?
To anyone who fantasizes or plans this kind of horrific thing, please, do what you always do and start and finish with yourself. No one needs to go with you, because trust me, you’ll be in way different places on the other side.
Finally, I want to thank the heroes of Sandy Hook School in Connecticut for putting children’s lives above their own: Victoria Soto, Dawn Hochsprung, Mary Sherlach, Maryrose Kristopik, Kaitlin Roig, Abbey Clements, and Yvonne Cech and the janitor who ran through the halls alerting everyone that there was a gunman who had forced his way in. May those who did not survive rest in peace.
Surviving The Storm / Feeling Guilty And Oh So Lucky
Su
These pictures are of Sandy. In Jersey, NYC, Queens and of course on Long Island. We were so lucky, that I don’t even understand how we came through this unscathed. We even have power.
The storm was scary as hell, and I worried about my 20 foot maple tree, but she withstood those crazy winds beautifully. Even my little cute dwarf tree in the front yard is still happily there and alive.
Most of my friends have no power, or just got it back. We’re offering a warm place to sleep, shower, eat, whatever. People were checking on each other during the times when it was safe to venture out, and I’m convinced that this is the best neighborhood ever.
We got to take Kiddo and her bff trick or treating yesterday, and it was so much fun to see neighbors outside their houses with the candy bowls waiting for the kids. You can’t cancel Halloween! The kids scored big time and we got to check on the people who live all around us, and my sister’s street as well. Huge tree down there, and my sister has siding hanging from the top of her house and a busted window. Lucky. Her side of the street has power, but the opposite side doesn’t. There are extension cords running from the side to side so nobody has to suffer – isn’t that awesome??
So that’s my check in, and those are photos culled from the internet to show things you’ve probably already seen. Heartbreaking. Hope you and yours are doing great!
My Failures – An Unfinished Expose
Failure: Vegetarianism
About 20 years ago, I embarked on the journey of meat free living. It lasted for five years. It was a stupid proposition for me, being a veggie hater. But my heart was oh so pure, and I wanted to practice what I preached, but what happened was that I ate lots and lots of starches, very few vegetables, tons of pizza and pasta. Not. Fucking. Smart!!
But I did keep up with it for five years, and I did feel good about my soul, although it was slathered in lots of fat. I fancied myself an Indian food lover, which I still believe, except that I order everything mild, which is just wrong and full of cheating goodness!
I can’t even tell you how many birthdays I spent at Gandhi – I need to take Kiddo there – it’s been too long!
Failure: Animal Activism
Once I went to Bloomingdales at Christmas time with a stocking full of coal. I smacked it down on a specific cosmetic counter and it made the loudest smack sound. I then told the poor counter girl that the stocking full of coal was for all the animal testing they’d done to make women pretty. Then I got super embarrassed and ran out. I still laugh about it to this day, and we’re again going back decades!
My friend Don was NOT a failure. He would dress up like a bunny. In a bunny costume. And he would protest fur sales and testing, you name it. The cops would come, they would arrest him, and then they’d take his mugshot both with and without the bunny head. He was brilliant, and funny and ultimately became an environmental lawyer. Me? Oh I stayed in the music business. It was fun. Ugh. This picture? No, that’s not Don!
My Computer Has A Virus
Doing that title the Oscar Meyer theme song.
For once I’m happy to be married to a computer tech. But I’m still not able to do anything.
I miss you and I shall return!! Oh and Miss Natalia will finish my tattoo tomorrow!!!!!!! Yay!!!!!
Sikh Temple Up In Flames. God, I Hope This Wasn’t Arson…
So sad. Glad nobody was hurt!
Neighbor Complaint. Truly Funny!
Still Reeling, and I’m Late As Usual! Topic – My Blogger Award!!!
Mindblowing. I cannot believe it, but I have received my very first and only Blogger Award. It is the So Sweet Blogger Award (I know, I keep trying to be tough, and it’s just not gonna happen!! But hey, I got an award for not being so tough!)
I was given this honor by one of my very favorite fellow bloggers, Scott from Gnostic Bent. His blog is always interesting, and he’s got such a great way of starting discussions on just about any topic you could imagine. He received the So Sweet Blogger Award from Donah at Sweetjellybean.com, and in turn included me as one of the bloggers whom he felt deserved this honor. Amazeballs!!
I adore blogging. It’s a solution for my pent-up anger, joy, and bizarre sense of humor. I love that people read what I write and that gives me such satisfaction. I realize I’m supposed to nominate bloggers with less than 200 followers, but I really don’t know how to ascertain that, so here ya go:
http://gnosticbent.wordpress.com/ – As I’ve said, there’s absolutely always something interesting that does not go in one ear and out the other. I love the interaction with Scott’s followers and make it a point to stop by often.
http://jmgoyder.com/ – I love Julie, although I’ve never met her. Her written dialogues with her amazing birds and her beautifully written and brutally honest portrayal of her family makes me wish that she and I lived much closer than half a world away. I’m hooked.
http://repatriatedmama.blogspot.com/ Way back in the early 2000s (that still sounds stupid to me, I’m sorry!) Stephanie and I went to acting school together. Afterward, our lives tended to parallel each other’s in very interesting ways. I love to read about her life, her adjustments to moving back to the US after being in Barbados with two small children for quite some time. Plus, I adore and love her mucho.
http://accidentalstepmom.com/ It’s funny how people ask “is that your child?” Parents come in all forms, and frankly some step parents are better than parents who share your dna. I love this blog and the love for the children in her life.
http://dirtyrottenparenting.com/ Super. Friggin. Funny.
http://campfirekissedcheeksandstargazedeyes.wordpress.com/ This is such a special blog to me. The photography and the gentle writing are absolutely wonderful.
http://colddeadheart.wordpress.com/ Cold Dead Heart – yeah, anything but! The photography and little slices of life are addictive.
http://reinventingyourself-pd.blogspot.com/ – This is one of my best friends in the world. She’s beginning this blog and I’m so excited. I hope she asks me to write a little something for it!
There are more, but I’m already late with this and want to express my gratitude and love. Thank you and I love you. Job done!
MamaTattoo 